|How to Deal With Conflict - Gadstime|
Have you ever been in a conflict or been angry at someone and not known how to solve it? Healthy and creative conflict resolution is an essential skill that many adults don't know how to master.
Whether it's defusing potentially damaging fights with a spouse or tackling tough problems in the workplace or at school, a couple key pointers will go a long way in equipping you with the right tools to resolve conflicts.
Conflicts bring out our emotional natures, even if the conflict itself isn't an emotional one. so let see how we can deal with conflict.
Don't let the conflict fester, or it tends to get worse. Some (small) conflicts fizzle out and die if ignored for long enough; but most bigger conflicts, ironically, get worse if categorically ignored.
That's because we perceive them as threats to our overall well being, and the tension of that perceived threat ratchets up when two or more people meet in a standoff, just like in an old-fashioned duel.
Don't go into the conflict necessarily expecting bad outcomes. People who fear conflict are often been primed by past experience to expect a consistently bad outcome: Unhealthy relationships and abusive childhoods can leave them fearing conflict, to the point where they view any potential conflict as relationship-threatening and shy away from potential conflict so much that they ignore their own needs.
Pay attention to your non-verbal cues. Most conflicts are mediated through language, but that doesn't mean that the only thing you need to pay attention to is the phrasing of your words which are, by the way, important. Pay attention to the way you carry yourself your posture, the tone of your voice, your eye contact.
Listen for the things that really matter for the other person, and respond to them.
Don't derail the train by getting sidetracked on the small stuff.
Listen to the other person's complaints, focus in on the truly important underlying message, and try to address it. If the other person doesn't feel like you're ready to deal with the heart of their message, they're very likely going to escalate the conflict or simply tune out and abandon any attempt to resolve it.
Manage how you react to the other person's words. Like begets like, so reacting the right way ensures a friendly exchange instead of a heated outburst.
Stop Blaming. When we feel attacked by another person, we usually lash out at them in self-defense. Because the best defense is a good offense, right?
Show compromise early and often.
Throw away the idea that you're going to get completely what you want without having to sacrifice anything.
Forgive and forget. Show a conscious willingness to forgive and forget, and assume that the other person is coming at the conflict from the same angle. Many conflicts, though they seem important in the moment, boil down to simple misunderstandings.